So You Think You're a Smart Ass ?

Recently received the following e-mail :

"TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2004 ACCORDING TO READER'S DIGEST.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached she extended her hand for the ticket,instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."SMART ASS ANSWER #4:A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,! but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,"No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART ASS ANSWER #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the copsaid. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on is waywithout a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge A! head." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

AND NOW ,,,, FOR THE ,,,, #1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Nowclass, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room
raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to
laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."