Conservatives : "Are We Thinking ?"

The Conservatives, so we are to believe, have run a spirited campaign of late (at least if you read the Mail or the Torygraph) - true the usual mix of cynical opportunism, incitement to racial hatred and general populist nonsense-talk seems to have been more potent than usual...

So it was a shame that the whole apple cart was upset last week by the sad case of Howard Flight who dared to suggest at a meeting of City bigwigs that Letwin and Co. might have been planning a bigger cut in spending on public services than the advertised £55bn identified by a report into Civil Service laziness...

"But I was only telling them what they wanted to hear, er I mean the truth" said poor Howard as his namesake placed upon him a Transylvanian gypsy curse (aided, naturally, by the right to practise witchcraft enshrined in the Human Rights Act), spat three times and banished him from the party. He is already said to be planning his revenge : the village shop in his (now ex) Arundel constituency has reportedly run out of garlic...his local constituency party is also up in arms, not least because "power to local communities" has been a central plank in the Tory mantra.

The truth however, is that the British public is finally wisening up to the old pre-election con of tax cuts without impacting spending; moreover there is no public appetite for cuts in services. Imagine in the coming days receiving a quote for some building work; just before you are about to sign on the red dotted line a rival gang of builders appear in a gleaming 4x4 - led by a goulish looking bloke with glasses (hey we all know what these Eastern European "travellers" look like, don't we) - and offer to undercut the first lot by, say, £55bn. However, as he speaks, a slow realisation grabs you...you had this same bloke in to do work eight years ago. The project was spun out to eighteen years and left your house on the verge of collapse...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?

The real tragedy is course is that this will leave the Rev Blair ('in six days Iraq was made; on the seventh day Tony rested') looking at another three figure majority. Wee-Charlie Boy, the local pub landlord seems more than content to seize the whisky bottle as opposed to the moment...oh well, we could always rig the postal vote...